My friend Elaine will always be an inspiration to me. In fact, she was the first friend I ever had that truly taught me how to express what I felt. Most likely, she will read this and blush or deny it. She tried tirelessly to get me to trust with the most positive attitude I have witnessed. For her it seemed natural and because of this she is now married and the happiest she has ever been to the most wonderful man.
For me, an introvert, it is just not that easy. Introverts generally have an uncanny knack for reading people in the deepest sense. It is a blessing at times and a curse at others.
So, why am I writing this gibberish? Introverts are the minority in this extrovert-driven society and I find I share the same thoughts, feelings, concerns, disappointments, aspirations, and dreams. One of those feelings is a lack of trust. So how do you simply trust someone? My personal answer is you can’t. Not an introvert.
We just place entirely too much stock into the people we call “friends”. What I have found though is through faith; I have learned how to trust, just not without faith first. Sounds confusing, eh? Well, it does to me and I am writing it! Faith helped me know who I can trust and helped me forgive who I could not. I had to think of faith as the rule book on how to tell if you can trust someone at all.
Now, with that all being said, it was not easy for this introvert to choose the Christian life. Introverts are ones to ask how, and why, and who, and when, etc. When you have to place faith into something unseen, it is simply unrealistic and illogical. Notice how I said faith. Faith is not trust. Trust is twisting your key in your new car in the morning without thinking about the outcome. Faith is believing in something that makes no sense at all or something you could not even begin to figure out. And if you think one can just wake up one morning and have faith, well maybe they can. But,
Because of my faith I now have a mother I am getting to know deeply. I have children that are happier than ever before. I have been there for my uncle in his darkest times during some of my hardest moments. But most of all, I have a large, Christian family to call my own. I love, joyfully, in larger quantities than ever before.
For me, an introvert, it is just not that easy. Introverts generally have an uncanny knack for reading people in the deepest sense. It is a blessing at times and a curse at others.
So, why am I writing this gibberish? Introverts are the minority in this extrovert-driven society and I find I share the same thoughts, feelings, concerns, disappointments, aspirations, and dreams. One of those feelings is a lack of trust. So how do you simply trust someone? My personal answer is you can’t. Not an introvert.
We just place entirely too much stock into the people we call “friends”. What I have found though is through faith; I have learned how to trust, just not without faith first. Sounds confusing, eh? Well, it does to me and I am writing it! Faith helped me know who I can trust and helped me forgive who I could not. I had to think of faith as the rule book on how to tell if you can trust someone at all.
Now, with that all being said, it was not easy for this introvert to choose the Christian life. Introverts are ones to ask how, and why, and who, and when, etc. When you have to place faith into something unseen, it is simply unrealistic and illogical. Notice how I said faith. Faith is not trust. Trust is twisting your key in your new car in the morning without thinking about the outcome. Faith is believing in something that makes no sense at all or something you could not even begin to figure out. And if you think one can just wake up one morning and have faith, well maybe they can. But,
Because of my faith I now have a mother I am getting to know deeply. I have children that are happier than ever before. I have been there for my uncle in his darkest times during some of my hardest moments. But most of all, I have a large, Christian family to call my own. I love, joyfully, in larger quantities than ever before.
My definition of love-sacrifice.
Hi Johnathan- I have found you by looking for blogs for introverted christians- a hot topic in the blogosphere right now. A book recommended on one blog has just arrived at my house via amazon- Introverts in the Church by Adam McHugh- and boy is it talking to me!!
ReplyDeleteI have a son who has gone so far away from God because he cannot do what you have done, and let go of his reason. You are so right in that.
Being an introvert in my church got a lot harder recently when an assistant Pastor was appointed who is an evangelist. Suddenly there is a whole new list of things we have to do- and I have taken a huge step BACK- I am the intercessor behind the scenes- a willing servant one on one- but NOT an out there is the market evangelist- NEVER!!
Thanks for posting- please keep writing and helping people like you and me find our voice- the still small voice of calm.
God Bless you and your family.
Greetings from Wintery New Zealand.